


But You Have Time for Me

by KnightsofEclipse



Category: Elementary (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Oneshot, fake engagement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 16:38:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12610916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightsofEclipse/pseuds/KnightsofEclipse
Summary: Joan and Moriarty go on a cute coffee date.





	But You Have Time for Me

Joan looked down at her cellphone for the 11th time as she paced around the Brownstone. She didn’t know why she was counting or even why she was hesitating but she was. Sherlock was on call with the captain and she had been left to sleep. Only an hour after he’d left her phone had been ringing off the hook. She had ignored the first 4 calls before finally rolling over to see what Sherlock wanted. To her surprise, it was not Sherlock calling but a private number. 

Since then, 18 more calls had come in, Joan allowing them all to go to voicemail. _Maybe I should call him._ She quickly shook her head and frowned down once more as the phone buzzed in her hand. “Joan speaking,” she answered on the final ring. She didn’t know why her hand was shaking.

“Joan.” An eerily familiar voice chirped from the other end. “So nice of you to finally pick up. I didn’t wake you, did I?” Joan swallowed at how sweet and sincere the voice sounded.

“Moriarty,” Joan said calmly, despite her shaking hand. “What do you want?”

A bright laugh echoed through the phone and Joan heard a car door shut. “My dear Watson. I just wanted to inform you of that case that Sherlock is on. You know, the case of someone trying to take _me_ out? Well, he’s 10 paces back and I’m in trouble. Care to come rescue me, darling?”

Joan was skeptical. “How are you so calm if you’re in so much trouble?” She raised her eyebrow despite knowing Moriarty couldn’t see her. “And I’m sure if you can make…” Joan checked her call history. “23 calls to me then you can text Sherlock your location and he’ll be there in no time.” She let her voice carry a distasteful tone.

Another laugh came from Moriarty. “How about I text you instead. I’ll be seeing you soon, Joan dear.” The line went dead.

“Great,” Joan said sarcastically as she dialed her partner. “Hey, Sherlock. I just got a call from Moriarty. She said she was in trouble but I’m not buying it.” She silenced herself to hear what Sherlock had to say. “No, I realize it’s probably a trap. I’m just going to check. You know how she is.” Quiet again. “Yes, I’ll be careful.” She hung up and sighed. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

20 minutes later, Joan was standing on the street outside of a fancy café. She looked down at her phone. “No, this is definitely the address.” She shook her head and walked in to find the place empty, save for Moriarty sitting at a table and her guard standing nearby with the owner at gun point. “You lied,” Joan said pointedly as she sat down across from Moriarty.

The blonde woman gave a pinched smile. “Like I’ve never done that before,” was her reply. “I hope you don’t mind. It was a tad busy so I cleared the place out a little.” She gestured around. “After all, privacy is important on a date, is it not?”

Joan choked on the water she was sipping. “A-a what?” she asked incredulously. She dabbed at the water on her chin with the cloth napkin rested next to her plate.

Moriarty calmly sipped her own water. “Don’t act so surprised, darling. Why else would I go to such trouble as to arrange such an…extravagant rendezvous?” She then put her hand in the air in a bit of a swooping gesture in the general direction of her guard. “I think we’re ready now.”

Joan scurried to pick up the menu that sat in the center of the table. “I-I haven’t even looked yet!” she protested. She tried to open it but fumbled and grew frustrated.

Moriarty made a mockingly concerned face. “Having trouble? Don’t worry.” The owner now stood before the table and Moriarty smiled up at him. “I’ll take an espresso special, Americano if you can. And Joan will have a latte, skim, no foam, with whip and cinnamon. Ground and a stick to stir. And we’ll share whatever is your most lavish and romantic dessert.” 

The owner nodded hastily before being led away to the kitchen. Moriarty settled back into her chair and Joan sat tensely in hers. “How long do you intend to hold me hostage?” Joan blurted out without thinking.

Moriarty got a dark smile on her face. “This is a date, Joanie. Enjoy it. You don’t get out enough.” She reached over and took Joan’s hand. “Loosen up. And before you say anything, let me remind you of something.” She waited for Joan to indicate she wanted to know what Moriarty was referring to. “My name is Jamie.”

Joan gawked at the other woman, not quite able to comprehend what she was saying. _Is she a mind reader or something?_ Joan withdrew her hand and sat back a bit more with her hands folded in her lap. “I know,” she said, her voice measured. “Sherlock told me.”

Moriarty continued with her wicked smile. “I just wanted to make sure. When you answered the phone earlier you referred to me just as Moriarty. I was under the impression that Sherlock was keeping…me to himself.” Joan involuntarily pulled a face at the phrase ‘under the impression’ due to it reminding her of Sherlock. “But never mind that, this is for _us_. No more talk of Sherlock. Just talk of you. And of me, hm?” She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table before laying her chin on her folded hands. 

Joan noted the ample cleavage Jamie sported before turning her attention to the owner who was returning with their coffees. “The cake will be out shortly, ma’am.”

Both women smiled at him politely before returning to their conversation. Joan sipped at the coffee in the tall opaque white mug while Jamie stirred absentmindedly around her small black tea cup. Joan looked at her mug in surprise at how good the liquid inside tasted. “How…how exactly did you know my coffee order?”

Jamie set her spoon down and picked up her cup with one hand and the saucer with the other. “I have eyes and ears everywhere. Why shouldn’t I use them to keep tabs on my favourite little consultant? Kept you out of trouble a few times actually.” She sipped at the scalding beverage. “You should be thanking me, actually, for being such a protective…suitor.” Joan choked on her next sip of coffee. “Oh, I’m sorry. Suitor would imply that I had competition to deal with. Would that make me your girlfriend instead, then?”

Joan set her coffee down, clearly not able to drink it with the way her companion was talking. “I’m sorry, Mor-Jamie. I’m really not interested in any of that. Love. A relationship. With Sherlock around all of that stuff is difficult and distracting and I can’t afford to be distracted.”

Jamie smiled sweetly. “But you wouldn’t need to be. Like I said, eyes and ears everywhere. You would never need to worry about me or getting hurt on a job. Everything would be taken care of. And besides, I’ve seen you’re dating profile. Sherlock’s idea, I presume. And you only seemed to be hit up by the undesirable sort. Well, judging from our past encounters wouldn’t that label me as ‘your type’?”

Joan glared at her coffee mug. “Yes, it was Sherlock’s idea but no, I’m not using it. I was but I’m not now.” She began to blush at confessing to actually using online dating. “I don’t have time for a relationship or love or any of that.”

“But you have time for me.” Jamie grew quiet, as if she knew not how to continue, when the cake was laid out before them. It was a deep chocolate colour with fresh strawberries on top. However, to Joan’s dismay, Moriarty had not been kidding when she said they would share it. 

Moriarty dug her fork into it, making sure it pierced through all the layers and scooped it up. She then held it out to Joan. Joan didn’t know what to do so she awkwardly leaned forward and wrapped her lips around her enemy’s fork. She then clumsily returned the gesture.

Jamie leaned back again and sighed. “I really didn’t expect it to be this hard. Fine then. I’m sure you didn’t believe me when I said I just wanted a date.” She took on a saddened expression. “The truth is, Joan, is that the man after my head is my fiancé. I don’t love him and he won’t stop chasing me until I can prove to him that I love another. He doesn’t believe I love Sherlock so I turned to you.” Joan opened her mouth to say something but Moriarty continued. “All I’m asking is that you agree to being my girlfriend and where this ring around.” She pulled a small box from her purse and held it open for Joan to examine. It was a simple, thin silver band with a single diamond on it. “If you can make Sherlock believe that we’re engaged then my fiancé will believe it, too.”

Joan took the ring and slid it on with surprising ease. She looked up to see a bright smile had returned to Jamie’s face and Joan couldn’t help but smile in return. “Alright, so what’s next?” 

As if on que, Sherlock burst in and stormed over to the table. He lifted Joan over his shoulder and began carrying her out the door. “Don’t forget, Joan, you gave your word!” Moriarty called after them.

When they were about a block away, Joan began struggling and shouting at her partner. “Sherlock! Sher-Sherlock, put me down! What are you doing! I said put me down! Sherlock! Are you even listening to me?” Suddenly he set her down on the sidewalk outside the Brownstone. She looked at him with anger. “What the hell was that about?”

Sherlock calmly looked back at her. “I might ask you the same thing.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a oneshot. I will not be continuing it. Please don't ask me to write more.


End file.
